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CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THEN MEN (week #6 12/17/07)
CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THEN MEN BECAUSE………
The average cucumber is at least six inches long……
I found one that was ten inches long.
Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
A cucumber won’t tell you size doesn’t count.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety……
Or make you pay for those spendy little pills.
With a cucumber, you never have to go shopping for the ‘right size’ condom.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket……
And you know how firm it is, before you take it home.
Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
With a cucumber, you can get a single room......
And you won’t have to check in as ‘Mrs. Cucumber’.
A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
You can go to a movie with a cucumber, and see the move.
At the drive-in, you can sit up in the front seat.
A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
A cucumber won’t eat all the popcorn, or send you to get milk duds.
A cucumber won’t drag you to a John Wayne festival.
A cucumber won’t ask, “Am I the first?”
Cucumbers don’t care if you’re a virgin.
Cucumbers won’t ask you to wear kinky clothes……
Or for you to go to bed with heels on.
Cucumbers aren’t into whips or chains, talking dirty, or girly magazines.
You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it, and they don’t leak.
Cucumbers don’t need a round of applause.
Cucumbers won’t ask, “Am I the best?”……
“How was it?”……
“Did you cum?”……
“How many times?”
Cucumbers aren’t jealous of your gynecologist, ex-boyfriend, or hair dresser.
A cucumber never wants to improve your mind.
Cucumbers aren’t into meaningful conversations.
Cucumbers won’t ask you about your last affair……
Or speculate about your next one.
A cucumber will never make a scene……
Because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
A cucumber won’t mind hiding in your refrigerator……
When your mother comes over.
No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
Cucumbers can always handle rejections.
A cucumber won’t pout if you have a headache.
A cucumber won’t care what time of the month it is.
A cucumber never wants ‘to get it on’, when your nails are wet.
With a cucumber, you never have to say you’re sorry.
Cucumbers don’t leave whisker burns, fall asleep on you, or drool.
Cucumbers can stay up ALL night……and you don’t have to sleep in the wet spot.
Afterwards, a cucumber won’t want to shake hands and be friends.
Say, “I will call you a cab”, tell you he’s not the marrying kind, call his Mother, ex-wife or therapist.
Cucumbers don’t leave you wondering for a month.
A cucumber won’t make you go to get more beer.
Cucumbers won’t tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
A cucumber won’t work your crossword with ink.
Cucumbers aren’t allergic to your cat or dog.
With a cucumber, you won’t have to worry about satisfying it, during the flu season.
Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
A cucumber won’t eat all your food, or drink all your beer.
A cucumber doesn’t turn your bathroom into a library.
Cucumbers won’t go through your medicine chest.
A cucumber doesn’t use your toothbrush, deodorant or hairspray.
Cucumbers don’t leave dirty underwear on the floor.
Cucumbers won’t leave hair in the sink or a ring in the tub.
A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet……or leave the seat up.
Cucumbers don’t compare you to a centerfold; they love you the way you are.
Cucumbers can’t count to ten.
Cucumbers don’t tell you, they like you with long hair.
A cucumber will never leave you……
For another woman……
For another man……
For another cucumber……
A cucumber will never call you and say, “I have to work late Honey”……
And then come home smelling like another woman.
A cucumber never pinches your ass, or gives you a snuggy.
You always know where your cucumber has been.
A cucumber never has to call ‘the wife’.
Cucumbers don’t have mid life crises.
A cucumber won’t leave you for a cheerleader, ex-nun, or ex-girlfriend.
Cucumbers don’t play with themselves.
You won’t find out later, that your cucumber……
Is married……
Is on penicillin…..
Has aids……
Likes you, but, loves your brother.
A cucumber doesn’t have to work on his car, when you want to go out to eat.
Cucumbers don’t care if you make more money than they do.
A cucumber won’t wear jeans to your Christmas party.
You don’t have to wait until your lunch break, to talk to your cucumber.
A cucumber won’t take you to a concert, and dump you for the chick sitting next to him.
Cucumbers never want to take you to meet his mom.
A cucumber doesn’t care, if you want to spend the holidays with your family.
A cucumber won’t ask to be put through medical school
A cucumber won’t tell you he’s out-grown you intellectually.
Cucumbers never expect you to have, ‘little cucumbers’.
Cucumbers never say, “Let’s keep trying until we have a boy”.
A cucumber won’t insist the little cukes to be raised Catholic, Jewish or Orthodox.
It’s easy to drop a cucumber.
A cucumber will never contest to a divorce, demand a property settlement, or seek custody of anything.
No matter how you slice it, you CAN have your cuke, and eat it too!
Smile, it's the second-best thing you can do with your lips! 
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