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Pictures: For starters, depending upon the message you want to put forth, be very careful what you choose to put up, if you decide to throw a picture or two on your profile. It’s very true that a picture is worth a thousand words, and it’s even more so, around here. More risqué photographs will speak more of lewdness and/or looseness to a lot of people, even if it’s not the case, so, displaying your body in all it’s splendor might not be the best idea. Save those for your network and those that you’ve been getting to know a little more. Trust me, it’ll save you a load of grief. Gentlemen, its kind of a reverse thing with you, sadly. The more risqué your pictures, more than likely, the less attention you’ll get. So, having a close up of your tackle isn’t generally considered kosher. In general, folks, pictures of your face are muchly preferable to the alternative, but I have seen some amazing photos that don’t even contain a face. There are profiles out there with some amazingly sensual and erotic black and white nudes that I consider to be perfect for profile use. They’re EXTREMELY tasteful, they don’t reveal any more than the owner wants them to, and they also protect a person’s anonymity. There’s also folks whose pictures just hint at something more, but don’t actually show it. It’s my opinion that if you show it all, there’s nothing left to discover later, if you do meet someone. Leave something to the imagination. The brain is the biggest sex organ in your body . . . let people exercise it

Bios: Once people actually get past the pictures, if all you have on your profile is “hi, I like sex, and I’m looking for someone else that does, too,” then chances are, you probably won’t get far. The people out there that are worth attracting are looking for something a little deeper than a kiddy wading pool you can buy at any Wal-Mart. If you want to attract them, then again . . . learn to exercise your brain. Your imagination is an amazing thing, and when you really get down to it, you can say an awful lot about yourself. The ticket is to know what to say and how without sounding like you’re totally arrogant and stuck on yourself. Conversely, if you don’t have good things to say about yourself, people see you as being self-depreciating and lacking in self-esteem, and neither is attractive. Not many people I know are into giving pity fucks. Start off, though, with your likes and dislikes. What interests you? Do you like to curl up by the fire and read a good mystery/sci-fi/romance/thriller? Do you prefer to hit the cinema and take in the newest action blockbuster? Or sample the local gourmet bistro and have a glass of fine wine? But then, you might be the type that likes to check out the nightlife of a town and dance your way to oblivion while having a drink or two with good friends or newly acquired friends. Whatever your preference, let people know what they are, because if you’re the stay-at-home-and-read type, then the person that likes to kick up their heels and be a social butterfly will probably get really frustrated with you pretty quick. Also, if all you put is “I don’t know what to put here, so, just ask me what you want to know and I’ll tell you” because that screams “I’m lazy and have NO imagination!”

Give people a glimpse into your personality, and please . . . for the love of all things holy, don’t just say “people tell me I’m a lot of fun/have a good personality” because we don’t know those people to be able to take their word for it. Tell us yourself. And you’ll probably get pissy about me evoking your high school English teacher when I say “show me, don’t tell me,” but it’s still true. Paint people a picture of what you’re like, don’t just make a grocery list. Some of the best profiles I’ve seen, while they were long and involved, really gave you an astounding picture of what that person is really like. Yes, this is a public sex site, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t put a little effort into making it work for you.

Oh, and fill out ALL of the question areas, because if you leave something like “Marital Status”, “Body Type” and things like that out, people will assume the worst and think things like, “Ooooooo . . . they’re a hideously over weight cheating bastard/bitch!” Even if it’s not something you’re proud of, put it in your profile, because if someone is interested in you, they’ll find out what’s up sooner or later, anyway. That goes the same with posting fake or really old pictures. People WILL notice things like that, when they’re sitting across from you sipping their café con leche.

BE SPECIFIC!!!!!!!! If there’s things about people that grind on your nerves, mention it, but remain positive. I refuse to put up with cheaters, but if some people choose to engage in that activity, then that’s their choice. If they feel the need to approach me, then I’ll give them my opinion. Till then, I leave it alone, but I will mention it in my profile. Along with that idea, if there’s something that you REALLY, really like in a person, say it. I have a preference for clean cut, gentlemanly, honorable men around my own age, that are attractive. I don’t have any preferences for blond or green, but I do like tall and proportional. Mention these kinds of things. The more specific you get, the more likely it is that you’ll find what you want. Yes, it’ll cut down your chances of finding playmates, but if you have a goal in site, why settle for anything less than what you truly want? If you’re looking for a Ruebenesque 6’4” foodie with red hair, blue eyes and long legs who cha chas on the weekends and loves to take moonlit truffle hunts while discussing what the of Danielle Steel and Billy Bob Thornton would be like, then say so. Just understand that you might be waiting for a LOOOOOOOOONG time before they come around. True, you’ll still get some of the “hi, you’re pretty. When can we fuck,” e-mails, but it’ll cut down on them, a little.

Attitude: A couple wandered through here a few months ago, whining that they were only getting e-mail from “ugly” people. That, my divine ladies and gentlemen, is NOT the thing to say when you’re trying to attract people. EVERYONE WANTS TO THINK THAT THEY ARE ATTRACTIVE!!! It doesn’t matter if YOU don’t find them attractive, it matters to them that they are allowed to think of themselves in that manner, and it is callous and rather harsh to tell them otherwise. Besides, even if you don’t find them attractive, someone else might, and that’s all that matters. You are not the greatest thing since sliced bread, no matter what you may think, and just because you might be attractive, like that person you might find less than appealing, someone out there might think that you’ve a distant cousin that may have been a basilisk. So, be nice. It’ll come back to you eventually, one way or the other.

If someone takes the time to write out a nice, respectful and well thought out e-mail, then do them the courtesy to at least respond with a simple reply like, “while you’re interest is very flattering, I’m sorry to say that the feelings are not mutual. Thank you, and good luck!” You have put yourself out there to attract people. Congratulations! You’ve succeeded. Should you malign the people that find you attractive, if that’s what you’re out to achieve? Do you shoot the messenger when they bring you bad news? No. So long as they approach you with respect, you should return in kind.

Other Stuff: Well, now that you’ve been given a little idea of what could go into making your profile a little more productive, we get to the other parts of the site: the chat rooms and interest groups. By sitting back and waiting for people to come to you, you’ll get really bored and frustrated FAST! You have to actively go out there and look for people. The chat rooms are really good resources for learning how to approach people on this site. Think of them as a virtual bar, though. What will most likely get you slapped over in real life will probably get you mentally beaten about the head and shoulders in the chat rooms. It may be a virtual realm, but the women still want to be treated with respect and decorum and the men would probably like the same. Yah, there will always be those rampaging fuck wads that try and piss in the pool and ruin the party for everyone else, but well . . . we can either let them spoil it, or add a bit more chlorine to the mix and ignore them.

When cameras come into the chat rooms, please respect the fact that some people are actually in there to chat and refrain from behaving like a howling gibbon and shouting out directions and praises. It’s probably very flattering for those people exhibiting themselves, but for the rest of us, it’s down right obnoxious. You are NOT Steven Spielberg nor Alfred Hitchcock and therefore, unless you are the one on the camera or behind the scenes of the show, SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEARN TO BEHAVE LIKE A CIVILIZED PERSON!!!!! Yes, feel free to express your sentiments to the actor/actress, but do it in a calm and decorous manner.

So, hopefully, this will help some people. Folks, feel free to add to this, as it’s great to get different perspectives. The more ideas that people have to pick and choose from, the better, and more varied things will be.

I did not answer everything because I did not want the general public knowing everything right out of the shoot. That is why I really upon emails to start things off.

All in all, I am sort of surprised over the group of chickens that reside on this site. To each his own.

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